Scenic Route
by Natalia173
Summary: Crack!fic. Sam and Dean argue over whether to deal with vampires or a ghost first. Just a ridiculous little fic employing a ridiculous little writing method.


A friend and I were talking about narrators and the idea came up to eliminate the narrator and use dialogue to accomplish all that a narrator would do. For example, instead of just writing "the sky was a pale orange," instead I wrote something like "Hey, Sammy, does the sky look orange to you?" "I would say a pale orange, even." The story is meant to be ridiculous because there is literally no narrator (I didn't even include tags (ie he said)).

**ooOOOoo**

"Sammy, why would we go to California on this dark November night that's unseasonably warm?"

"Because, Dean, there's a vampire there and where there's one vampire there's often more than one. I'm looking at you with an annoyed look right now. I know you can't see because you're concentrating on the road."

"I can casually glance at you while I drive. There are even times when it's totally appropriate to look at you for extended lengths of time and not pay any attention to the road."

"Actually, our show is a little more realistic than that, probably because canonically we spend more time in a car than most shows."

"Right, of course. So, I'll keep my eyes on the road other than right now when I'm going to glance casually at the webpage you have opened."

"These vamps are vicious from the reports that I'm reading, Dean. There have been thirteen victims already."

"But what about the reports of the ghost that we heard about last week when we were visiting with Bobby? That's one pissed off poltergeist. And families just keep moving into that large, Victorian style house."

"The house is currently empty and about fifty miles from the vamps. We could start with the vampires and then easily make it to the ghost in just a few days before the house becomes occupied again. Of course, I'm scrolling through my computer screen as I'm telling you all of this."

"I'm going to lean on the door, rubbing my chin thoughtfully, before I relax back into the seat and put both hands on the wheel. What if we don't have enough man power for a nest? The ghost is in a bigger town and we can get better supplies there."

"Dean, I'm really annoyed by the sound the blinker makes. I don't know if I ever told you that. Why do you have to signal when you change lanes? It's not like there's anyone else on this road for miles."

"Well I'm really annoyed by your face but you don't hear me saying anything about it."

"Real mature, Dean."

"Someone has to entertain us while we're on this trip and don't you dare change my radio station. I see you reaching for it out of the corner of my eye."

"I thought I was stealthier than that. We have plenty of supplies for the vampires. I made sure we were well stocked before we left Montana."

"Were you planning to go hunting for vampires even then, Sammy? You're crazy. This is me giving you a look that says 'you're crazy.'"

"Crazy or not it's our _job_, Dean."

"Fiiiiiine. That's what the word fine looks like when you're saying it like a sigh, in case you're wondering."

"Actually, I was. I'm sure our readers will also appreciate the explanation because, honestly, how the hell are you supposed to figure that out by the word fiiiiiine?"

"I'm just such a considerate son of a bitch. I'll hunt the vamps, Sammy, but I think we should take care of our ghost first. It'll go faster. I need exit nine right?"

"Yeah, get off here. The vampires are a more serious threat."

"Rock, paper, scissors."

"What? Dean, now it's my turn to give you the 'you're crazy' look. Stop holding your hand out."

"I have to hold it out to play the game."

"We are not deciding this by Rock, Paper, Scissors. We are going to solve this is the normal, rational way."

"Sammy, we don't do anything rationally. Now come on, or are you scared?"

"Lknjflkjsdfj, fine."

"What the hell was that?"

"I was grumbling, Dean. That's what it looks like in Fan Fiction."

"Oh, sorry, didn't know what. Ok, ready? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

"Damn it, Dean, two out of three. I didn't think my scissors was going to lose."

"Fine. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot."

"Damn it! You'd think I'd know by now that you always throw rock!"

"Only because you always throw scissors, Sammy."

"Ok, ghost first and then the vamps."

"Agreed."

"Uhh… Dean?"

"Yeah, Sammy?"

"Have you noticed how an eerie fog has rolled in giving the area a mystical-like quality?"

"Doesn't that always happen? I mean, didn't you notice me shrug my shoulders after you pointed it out to me?"

"No, because I was too busy noticing our environment, Dean."

"Well, why did you bother to point it out? It's not like I sit there telling you how the mountains in the distance are covered with a dusting of white. Describing the scenery to each other would be ridiculous."

"I think you're ridiculous."

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

**ooOOoo**


End file.
